Top Chef cookbook, or recipes to diminish your brand

The first article I read this morning was Betty Hallock's review of Bravo's Top Chef Cookbook. I enjoy the show as much as anyone (but not enough to watch it live--thanks, Tivo!). And I have made quite a few recipes, enough that I could strongly say that the show was never going to be Top Cookbook. Recipes were full of errors, with steps omitted, incorrect quantities of ingredients listed, or just blatantly poor instructions given.

Hallock wastes no time in butchering this downed cow of a cookbook (Michael Ruhlman, if you are reading this, please consider "Downed Cow Cookbook" for Golden Clog awards worst cookbook). She laughs at (not with) the "Top Coifs" and trivia pages, and then asks "But can you actually cook from it? Would anyone want to?" She lists the trite diagrams, advice, lists of ingredients, and further trivia, before dismissing the idea that anyone would want to prepare losing dishes, and the more gimmicky challenges.

She tries a few recipes, notably Marcel Vigneron's curried lamb kabobs, which she says were good. But the intern's attempt at a Quickfire winner Sunflower Seeds & Carrot Loaf, with Cilantro, Sesame & Squirt is "wretched", despite guest judge Suzanne Goins (one of my favorite chefs!) declaring it the winner on the show. This looks like one of the overpriced treats we give our pet bunnies, so maybe we will prepare it for them, minus the Squirt.

We tried to have a dinner club based on the Top Chef recipes. But after so many miserable attempts by some talented home cooks, we gave up. And if the recipes are dubious, then the computer printing method is heinous. Clicking the Print it button puts a single-page recipe on two pages, with the right side cut off. It is basic software programming--like the recipes, does anyone at Bravo test these things before they make them public?

Below are a few examples of recipes I tried at home.

Once I made the hot diabetic (Sam) Spicy Shrimp Ceviche with Chili Pepper Popcorn. This called for 6 oz medium uncooked shrimp to be "cooked" in a mixture of sliced red onion, 1 cup red wine vinegar, and 1/4 cup of sugar. A 1/4 cup of the mixture is placed over a salsa verde made with the juice of one lemon. This was his entry for Anger as part of Seven Deadly Sins Challenge. Ummm, it was more like envy or Sour. This was so acidic and sour that I could have used it clean the kitchen floor. There were far too few shrimp for the number of servings listed (was the wrong shrimp size listed, or the wrong quantity?)

I put it in a martini glass here, but also tried it in little Japanese bowls, where it took on a more Asian look, with the greens mounded to one side, the popcorn to another, and the shrimp and onions nestled amongst them. Either way it was barely edible.

But I did end up with a bag of popcorn. I hated popcorn until this day. Microwaved popcorn tastes nothing like stove-popped, nor does anything from the cinema, no matter how fancy they claim it to be. Since that day, we have been popping popcorn in duck fat, confit fat, bacon fat, foie gras fat, EVO, and browned butter. Duck confit fat remains our favorite though the experiments continue.

Remember Howie at the barbecue challenge? When he and his previous rival seemed to find admiration for one another over each other's meat? (sorry for the innuendo) He made a Braised Pork Shoulder with Yuca Sour Orange Mojo, that although it didn't win, somehow seemed more appealing. Reading the actual recipe, though, was less appealing and created doubt from the get go. For 6-8 servings it called for 6# pork butt, 5# yuca, 1 1/2 gallons of chicken stock, and a gallon of orange juice. I made some adjustments along the way, and the dish was OK.

Bravo and Top chef producers--get on the ball! Monitor the comments made by your readers, consult with the chefs, hire staff away from Cooks Illustrated's test kitchen to properly test your recipes, and correct the website. The goal is to keep eyeballs, not repel them.

I had high hopes for Dale's Colorado Rack of Lamb (better known as lamb in duck fat). It is pretty ingenious, yet so obvious, that I am sure a lot of talented chefs are kicking themselves over not having thought of it first, or more likely, not getting into the public domain first. The recipe looks OK, but somehow it fell short. I might try it again, but I can tell you that it certainly deterred me from some of the more adventurous recipes like Marcel's Sea Urchin & Meyer Lemon Gelee.

For being so annoying and in your face himself, Marcel's Cucumber and Radish Salad with a Citrus Yuzu Vinaigrette was surprisingly subtle and delicious. A friend would call it "precious food" but in this case the careful arrangement and attention to knife skills increased the overall flavor and appreciation. I would have made more of these for a dinner party, but didn't want to invest in those metal rings. However, Martha Stewart on her show with Ripert, said just make them out of used plastic water bottles or plastic food containers. She is so crafty as Boloud pointed out twice. BTW watch out for salt in prepared yuzu juice. It is not always listed.

It is surprising that so many people involved (chefs, producers, sponsors, et al) are letting their hard work and talent go down the drain, or into the garbage. You work hard to establish a brand, so why let it go down the tube because of a complacent editors, producers, and pissy webmasters? Take your balls back guys, rework your recipes until they are perfect, and then release them. The magic of television only works on TV, not on the taste buds.